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Jealous Australians warn Countrymen about unbearable Brits.

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Jealous Australians warn Countrymen about unbearable Brits.

Post  Panda on Thu 11 Jul - 17:46

Jealous Australians issue warning to its countrymen... about how unbearable the Brits are about to be thanks to Wimbledon victory, a new Royal baby and rugby victory for The Lions
Sydney's Daily Telegraph also criticises English beaches, beers and food
The weather is also mocked as is the nations general state of 'misery'
Paper point out that victorious Lions side includes Irish players

By Richard Shears

PUBLISHED:12:36, 11 July 2013| UPDATED:16:05, 11 July 2013






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Australians were warned today that the British are about to become unbearable - thanks to a series of recent and upcoming events that will have everyone beating their proud chests for weeks to come.

An Australian newspaper has given notice to its readers that the imminent birth of a royal baby, Andy Murray's win at Wimbledon, The Lions victory over the Wallabies, the Tour de France and, by the looks of things The Ashes, Britain has much to shout about - and will keep on shouting.

'Pity the poor 100,000 Australians living there, but hazards abound here at home - rugby tourists still lurk in Australian hotels, lolling about in self-satisfaction after their test victory,' says Sydney's Daily Telegraph.




Australians were warned today that the British are about to become unbearable - thanks to a series of events to make us unbearably proud - including Andy Murray's Wimbledon win






An Australian newspaper has given notice to its readers that the imminent birth of a royal baby will also contribute to a swelling of British pride






And of course, Sydney's Daily Telegraph also listed The Lions victory over the Wallabies as one of the things the nation would be 'shouting about'


FIVE REASONS WHY ENGLAND IS BRILLIANT... AND FIVE REASONS WHY AUSTRALIA IS INFERIOR



Why England is magnificent:


1) London, one of the greatest cities in the world!

2) The Royal family!


3) Proper pubs and proper beer!


4) Shakespeare!


5) The food! Toad in the hole, crumpets and Sunday roast!

Whereas with poor old Australia...

1) Animals that kill you are everywhere.

2) Everywhere is too far away from everywhere else.

3) Nothing good on television. Ever.

4) Incomprehensible sports.

5) Very bad losers when we beat them at sports with proper, rather than 'Aussie', rules.
.
But in an attempt to boost the spirits of everyone Down Under in the face of an unstoppable swelling of British pride, the paper has listed 10 points that it says are worth reminding Britons about.


For a start, there is the weather, with cricket officials at Trent Bridge, where the first of the Ashes is being played, looking at the skies and wondering just when rain will stop play.






More...
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Who needs a Mediterranean holiday this summer when Britain is basking in a heatwave? Here, we pick the nation's best 50 beaches


Then there is the English beer, bitter and lager, the bitter being bitter and warm, the lager tasting like gnat's p**s.


As for British beaches, well, says they paper, they are 'mostly armoured with pebbles or cobble stones as opposed to sand, necessitating deck chairs and barring long walks or lazing about on a towel. And the water is freezing.'

British food is also under attack, with chicken tikka masala taking over from fish and chips, with one English food critic describing the meal as 'the culinary equivalent of Liebfraumilch.'




England's James Anderson celebrates after bowling Australia's Michael Clarke during the first Ashes cricket test match between England and Australia. The paper has listed 10 points that it says are worth reminding Britons about to stave off boasting



Holidays? When they go overseas, Britons tend to cluster in enclaves, says the paper, where they eat British food and avoid interaction with foreigners, apart from the waiters.


Next there's the huge cost of paying for transport to get from Heathrow airport to Gatwick to fly on to, say, Ibiza, followed by at least three hours to get through customs, security and then allowing for flight delays.

There's also the question of British happiness - while Australia is in the top five in a recent survey, Britain came in as the 10th happiest nation among developed economies.








The paper also critcises the English beer, bitter and lager, claiming the bitter is bitter and warm, the lager tasting like gnat's p**s. But Australian beers are also often crticised for being tasteless and weak




It claims when Britons go overseas, they tend to cluster in enclaves, eat British food and avoid interaction with foreigners. The same could be said for the high number of Australians who congregate in Australian themed bars

And of course, Britain is a nation divided. The paper says that the north and south of England hate each other, the Scots hate the English, the Welsh hate the English, the English hate everyone and everyone hates the Welsh.



On the economic and job front, says the paper, the UK's economy is 'basically down the toilet. Don't let a Pom fool you with stories about the greatness of the English pound.'


Unemployment in Australia is at 5.7 per cent, while in Britain it's 7.9 per cent.

Finally, there's those sporting wins. The paper says it should be pointed out to all British rugby bores that the Lions side is a composite team of British and Irish players.


'And if the Poms win the cricket, remind them who Keven Pietersen, Jon Trott and Matt Prior are.


'They're South Africans.'


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2360158/Thanks-Royal-baby-Wimbledon-Lions-victory-Brits-unbearable-say-jealous-Australians

==========

They are just jealous:haha:á

Panda
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Re: Jealous Australians warn Countrymen about unbearable Brits.

Post  Panda on Fri 12 Jul - 8:16

Anybody watching the Ashes Cricket Match must be enjoying the rollercoaster ride .á

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