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DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

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DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  Guest on Thu 10 Sep - 16:43

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BULLIED TO DEATH. THEY COMMITTED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF BULLYING

Post  Guest on Thu 10 Sep - 16:46

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STOP BULLYING

Post  Guest on Thu 10 Sep - 16:47

Three Types of Bullying

1 Accidental bullies are people who unexpectedly erupt and frighten colleagues, staff or family. Normally they apologise soon afterwards and promise never to behave in that way again. The bullying was an accidental occurrence.

2 Vexatious bullies are people who falsely accuse others of bullying them. There are cases being reported of employees being asked by their managers to do a piece of work and refusing to do it. When the manager insists that it be done, the employee alleges that the manager is bullying them. This is vexatious bullying because it is the duty and obligation of a manager to manage.

3 Serial bullies are people who carefully choose their victims and bully them subtly and cleverly until the victim caves in (by cave in is meant that the person being bullied resigns their job or goes out on long term sick leave or commits suicide). Within days of this 'achievement', the serial bully has chosen his or her next victim. These are evil people and it is desirable that they be given corrective treatment or imprisonement.
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WHAT BULLYING IS

Post  Guest on Thu 10 Sep - 16:48

What Bullying Is

Strangely, you will not find an agreed definition of bullying. Everybody knows what bullying behaviour is when they witness it but defining it is trickier.

Definitions of bullying include

1. Repeated inappropriate and unreasonable behaviour that is unwelcome
2. The act of intentionally causing harm to others through verbal harassment, physical assault or more subtle methods
3. Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating or insulting behaviour
4. Acts of teasing or picking on others that are intentional and designed to hurt the other's feelings or confidence
5. Repeated exposure over time to negative actions by one or more persons
Bullies want to dominate their chosen victim. A bully can think of many ways to make another person feel hurt, afraid, uncomfortable or miserable. Somebody who is quiet, popular, inoffensive and good at their work is particularly liable to be bullied.

Why do bullies bully? It is not clear why bullies have the need to harm the lives of other people. Some of the theories about why bullies bully are:-

· A feeling of pleasure in exerting power over others
· To assuage anger, frustration and self loathing
· To counter low self esteem
· Because they were bullied
· Because it gives them a form of popularity
· Because they are cowards

Would you rather that a thief entered your home and stole your precious possessions or be bullied for six months? People surveyed opt to have their precious possessions stolen. If the thief is caught, he or she will do a spell behind bars. Yet the bully, who can do infinitely more long-term damage, is rarely punished and never jailed.
When will society become serious about the damage that bullying causes?
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STOPPING BULLYING

Post  Guest on Thu 10 Sep - 16:49

Stopping Bullying

All governments should have introduced or be introducing Anti Bullying legislation. If the government has not brought in anti bullying legislation, people are somewhat protected under Health & Safety legislation which typically specifies that the employer is obliged to provide a safe place of work for employees.

Every employer should have an anti bullying Policy and Procedure. If an employer lacks these, they leave themselves open to prosecution by an employee who was bullied.

People being bullied must understand that the serial bully has three distinctive traits:-

1. The bully is clever and of above average intelligence
2. The bully is very manipulative and devious
3. The bully is a coward. Ask any child who has been relentlessly bullied until they lost their temper and attacked the bully. They never again suffered bullying from that person.
The first thing to do when you think you are being bullied is to tell a friend. You must talk about it. If you don't, you may end up allowing the bully to damage your health. Understand that bullies do not want you to talk about it so you are weakening their power over you by discussing it with a friend.
Next you must constantly say to yourself "I am a good person - I have done nothing wrong". The bully needs you to feel guilty. The bully will be watching for you to do things to attempt to please or placate him or her. You have done nothing wrong. This is your lifeline - hold on to it grimly.

If you think you are being bullied, you need to tell the bully using a technique called EFF (Evidence, Feel, and Future behaviour). An example would be "There was a team meeting this morning and I was not invited (the evidence). I felt embarrassed (the feeling). When you next hold a team meeting, I would appreciate being invited to it (the future behaviour)".

Another example using the EFF technique is "You just called me a stupid time waster. I felt insulted. In future conversations, can you please use my name?"

This is certainly not as easy to do as it is to write. This is the big event - standing up to the bully and letting her or him know that their behaviour is unwelcome and unacceptable. A lot of bullies will back off if you stand up to them using a technique like EFF.

If the bullying behaviour continues, the person being bullied must gather eight pieces of evidence. These are:-

1 Date of alleged incident
2 Time
3 Place where it occurred
4 What happened?
5 Who did it?
6 Who witnessed it?
7 How you felt?
8 The outcome i.e. what happened afterwards
An example would be "on 4th July 20009, Tommy Scott approached me at my desk at 11 o'clock when my colleagues had taken a coffee break. He leaned over until I felt extremely uncomfortable and said "I have met stupid people in my time but none as thick or dense as you". He then walked away. I felt totally deflated because the quality of my work has always been praised by my previous managers. I went to the toilet to compose myself and then joined my colleagues for coffee. Sarah noticed how upset I was and I told her what had happened and she expressed disgust but advised that I do nothing about it".
One bullying instance is not enough. There need to be repeated incidents by the same bully. Record everything. Some bullies will retreat if they think that the person they are bullying is compiling evidence.

Once you have gathered evidence of two or more incidents, you should consider setting up a meeting with the bully and bring a colleague or advisor with you. Some bullies will stop the bullying when confronted with documented evidence and an assertive request that they cease the unwanted and unacceptable behaviour.

If this does not work, you will have to go to the bully's boss. All organisations advise that if you have an issue with someone and you do not receive satisfaction, you should approach that person's manager. Sadly, the manager is often more inclined to believe the bully than to believe you. This is not written to put you off - rather to forewarn you to bring very solid evidence with you. Most managers dread having to deal with bullying allegations because it is very hard to know who to believe (remember - the bully will be very convincing). Sadly, the manager is likely to try to fob you off by making suggestions such as "you two need to sort this out together" or "grow up and stop being such a softie" or "leave it with me". Most likely, the manager will refer the allegation to HR.

The next step, if the previous steps have been unsuccessful, is to report it to HR who will be more inclined to take it seriously because they will better understand the legal implications. They should interview you in a caring but thorough manner. If convinced that your allegation of bullying is genuine, they should arrange to have an investigation carried out along the lines of their anti-bullying procedure. At the completion of the investigation, the allegation of bullying will be found to be proven or unproven and a document will be written supporting the findings. If the allegation of bullying is proven, the employer must take immediate steps to eliminate the risk of the bullying behaviour continuing or being repeated (eliminating the hazard is the technical term used). The person found guilty should be subject to disciplinary action. The person who was bullied should receive support to help them to recover from the effects of the bullying.

Their investigation may suggest that both of you enter into mediation as a means of resolving the situation. Mediation is an increasingly popular method of resolving disputes without going to law. Do not be afraid of mediation. Both parties will be given every opportunity to explain their situation and to listen to the other person's story. If a mutually agreeable solution emerges, it should put an end to the alleged bullying and should result in the situation being resolved quickly and at relative low cost.

If this is not satisfactory, you will have to take the legal route. It is not to be recommended unless you have a very strong case with very specific evidence. This is rarely the case. Court cases are lengthy, expensive and stressful affairs. It will consume you for years and you may alienate people who were initially supportive. However bullies have been found guilty in courts of law and the ensuing publicity may help to dissuade others from bullying. You may be pressurised to make a settlement on the steps of the court in which the alleged bully agrees to make restitution but does not admit to being guilty of bullying. This is not as satisfying as the judge finding the bully to be guilty but, in practise, this is how many bullying court cases end because it suits the legal system.

There is an alternative solution to bullying which is much less stressful and which a lot of people choose to do. Instead of confronting the bully, the person being bullied simply resigns from the organisation and seeks to work somewhere more humane. This gives the bully a 'victory' but certainly results in the victim being significantly less damaged. It also means that the bully will quickly select another victim. However your primary responsibility is to your health and mental wellbeing so, while it may appear to be taking the easy way out, it may also be the best way for you.
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links to bullying advice websites.

Post  Guest on Thu 10 Sep - 16:51

Links

There are many good websites that offer advice to people being affected by bullying.

Below is a selection

www.cumbavac.org/Bullying_Violence_Vandalism.htme is a website populated to links to many other good anti-bullying websites. It is directed towards school and youth bullying.

www.antibullyingalliance.org.uk is a UK list of useful websites (click on 'links') and is geared towards bullying among the young.

www.workplacebullying.org focuses on workplace bullying - just ignore the ads.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workplace_bullyin gives thorough definitions and details about bullying as you would expect from Wikipedia.

www.bullyonline.org is a good UK site with lots of bullying resources and links.

www.stopbullyingworld.org is an international bullying prevention association which is USA based and contains good information under the 'resources' link.




Links of Irish Interest.


www.abc.tcd.ie is the Trinity College Dublin Anti-Bullying Research & Resource Centre - good but can be somewhat hard to read'.

www.hse.ie sells an excellent 'Bullying at Work' code of practise.

www.citizensinformation.ie put the word 'bully' into the search engine.


If you can recommend better websites than those above, please let us knowand we will review them and include them if we agree with your recommendation.
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A good link and a recommended book

Post  Guest on Fri 11 Sep - 4:45

http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/books/bistress.htm

This is a book written by a man called Tim Field, who was bullied at work - he was eventually forced into resigning due to the stress. He wrote this excellent book and began a foundation offering help to others who are bullied at work. I did some work for it for a while. You would be very surprised at the number of people this affects, some of them in pretty senior positions. The seriousness is compounded in that many people are too embarrassed to admit that this is actually going on at all, and suffer in silence; thereby compounding the stress.
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Re: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  Guest on Fri 11 Sep - 9:02

The Famous Grouse wrote:http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/books/bistress.htm

This is a book written by a man called Tim Field, who was bullied at work - he was eventually forced into resigning due to the stress. He wrote this excellent book and began a foundation offering help to others who are bullied at work. I did some work for it for a while. You would be very surprised at the number of people this affects, some of them in pretty senior positions. The seriousness is compounded in that many people are too embarrassed to admit that this is actually going on at all, and suffer in silence; thereby compounding the stress.

Thanks Grouse. I know only too well what it is like to be bullied. I was a victim of this in school and had to change schools because of it. Thankfully it made me a stronger person as I learned to stick up for myself but there are so many out there that cannot stand up for themselves and end up either committing suicide or go the same way as the bully and start bullying themselves.
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Re: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  MJH1901 on Thu 10 Dec - 10:17

Brilliant, Antoinette.
Reading these cases really puts into perspective just how unacceptable bullying is, with some great strategies.
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Re: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  FSoares on Sat 19 Dec - 19:00

There was one case in Portugal, in a school in the surroundings of Porto that has shocked me. It was a boy who was on chimio to treat a cancer and everybody at school was bullying the little boy. To the surprise of everyone, the teachers were the first to make a blind eye and no teacher in that school was punished. Why do children can bully this way is beyond me.

There was also a case in the US: the suicide of Megan Meier. She was trolled to death by the mother of a friend, called Lori Drew, who has created a fictional character on MySpace to bully her.

The bullying was perpetrated through the account of "Josh Evans," a fictional 16-year-old boy, that, according to police reports, belonged to Lori Drew, the mother of one of Meier's friends. In a landmark court case, Drew was found guilty of three misdemeanor for her role in the hoax. She is unlikely to face any jail time.Wired: Lori Drew Not-Guilty of Felonies in Landmark Cyberbullying Trial (November 26, 2008)

The 'Hoax'

Meier befriended the fictional character, believing he was a home-schooled boy living in a neighboring town. After some time, messages from "Evans" became increasingly antagonistic. After an initial investigation, Drew admitted that she had created the account with her friend's daughter, who had experienced a recent falling out with Meier, and that the two considered the ordeal a playful hoax.FOX News: MySpace Hoax (November 16, 2007)

Lori Drew Charged

Local prosecutors did not bring any charges against Drew. However, a federal investigation, granted jurisdiction because MySpace headquarters is located in California, brought charges of one count of conspiracy and three counts of accessing protected computers without authorization to obtain information to inflict emotional distress against Drew on May 15, 2008.

The Trial

The cyber-bullying trial involving Lori Drew began on November 19, 2008, in a Los Angeles court. On November 26, Drew was convicted of three misdemeanors, for accessing a computer without authorization, in connection with the case. The Missouri jury rejected felony charges against her.Associated Press: Misdemeanor conviction in MySpace hoax trial (November 26, 2008)

In October 2008, Drew's lawyer suggested that there was another girl who also contacted the fictional account. The lawyer issued a federal court request to track her phone records to further investigate this connection. Fox News: Second Teenager May Be Tied to MySpace Suicide Case (October 15, 2008)
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Re: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  FSoares on Tue 30 Mar - 0:39

To the memory of Leandro Filipe, whose body was found some days ago.

'Bullying'

Director of Mirandela School is heard by the Education Inspector

by JOSÉ ANTÓNIO CARDOSO


The inspector has been in the area for two days and will also hear the parents of Leandro, the pupil who threw himself into the Tua River. The searches to find the body were suspended.

The director of the Luciano Cordeiro school in Mirandela where the twelve year old boy who threw himself into the Tua River allegedly because of being a victim of bullying was a pupil, will be heard by the Education Inspector who is making a new report about what happened on 2nd March. After the Education Ministry considered the report made by the school to be inconclusive, the general Education Inspectorate was called to the scene.

The inspector will also hear Leandro’s parents, who were ignored in the inquiry elaborated by the school’s director and who said they alerted the school to the aggressions committed against the boy by other pupils.

The Education Minister, Isabel Alçada, has given rigorous instructions so that the truth about the case will be found out, requesting above all a reply to the two questions still to be clarified: whether aggression was committed against Leandro or other pupils at the school and why they were never reported by the director of the school to the Ministry or to the Mirandela Commission for Child Protection. And how it was possible that Leandro and other pupils could leave school during class time when they did not have their parents’ authorisation to do so.

The report is due at the middle of next week, 25 witnesses have already been heard.

Bragança security forces have withdrawn the majority of officers from the banks of the River Tua where they have been concentrated since the 2nd March.

For almost 10 days the teams have searched the Tua from Mirandela to the source. The heavy flow of the river and the lack of visibility in the water did not permit the body to be found. The teams also searched the thirteen kilometres of the banks but no sign of the boy was found.

However Mirandela firemen continue to monitor the river and its banks. A larger operation will be mounted once the river level subsides and the water temperature rises, using all means available to find the boy’s body. It is hoped to launch this operation within the next 15 days.

http://dn.sapo.pt/inicio/portugal/interior.aspx?content_id=1517112&seccao=Norte
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Re: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  the one and only big_l on Tue 11 May - 0:09

i,m sorry for swearing but i fucking hate bullies always have and always will
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Re: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WAS BULLIED. I DO

Post  AnnaEsse on Tue 11 May - 6:45

the one and only big_l wrote:i,m sorry for swearing but i fucking hate bullies always have and always will

Me too. It's a few years now since schools were required to have an effective anti-bullying policy in place, but no school I have worked at has got bullying under control.
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