Teenage girl confesses her guilt

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/82365/BABY-P-I-was-on-edge-of-suicide-says-girl.html

By Sara Nuwar & Daniel Sanderson, 23/11/2008
THE teenage girl who watched the horrifying torture of tragic Baby P today confesses how her guilt over his plight left her wishing SHE was dead too.

In a moving exclusive interview with the News of the World the devastated 16-year-old bravely confessed: “I’ve felt suicidal. It’s difficult. Part of me wants to suffer. I deserve it.”

The girl—who we are calling Mary because her real name cannot be reported for legal reasons—was with Baby P during the final few weeks of his short painful life.

She watched in fearful terror the abuse meted out to him by his sadistic stepfather and heartless mother.

Hers is the ONLY eye-witness account of the tot’s unimaginable suffering. Baby P was just 17 months when he died in August last year, covered in bruises with eight fractured ribs and a broken spine—snapped for fun by his demented stepdad.

It was Mary’s key evidence that last week convicted the brute, the mother and their paedophile lodger Jason Owen—Mary’s illicit lover at the time—of causing or allowing the baby’s death. But, bravely breaking her public silence, she reveals how she is still racked by guilt.

“I wish I could have stood up to Baby P’s stepdad,” she says. “I just wish I weren’t scared of him. It may have been enough to save Baby P.

And Mary chillingly reveals how she:

* SHUDDERED as Baby P was taught to perform Nazi salutes by his tattooed Hitler-loving skinhead stepfather.
* SPOTTED absolutely no remorse in the stepfather when the child was found dead in his blood-spattered cot.
* FEARED facing the monster in court and had to give her evidence via videolink.
* SUFFERS guilt-ridden flashbacks of Baby P’s piercing blue eyes and angelic face.

Mary’s terrible memories have left her desolate, unable to eat properly or leave her house.

She says the worst image that plagues her still is the look of Baby P’s deep blue eyes, flickering with fear whenever his 32-year-old stepdad entered the room.

Fighting back tears she adds: “Baby P would look at the brute and I could see how he was terrified.

“He didn’t laugh very much. He wasn’t happy or smiley. That poor baby didn’t have a chance.

“I don’t have nightmares but he’s on my mind the whole time. I have flashbacks every day.

“He was a beautiful baby with lovely blonde hair. I have a half-brother about the same age who laughs and giggles the whole time, but Baby P was not like that.

“He was so different—quiet, very scared. And his mum MUST have picked up on that.”

The torment of Baby P has sparked revulsion and fury across Britain, but Mary insists those feelings are nothing compared to the guilt she feels for NOT setting aside her own fear of the 32-year-old stepfather and raising the alarm.

In a whisper she says: “I was really scared because of what I’d seen. I thought he’d do that to me. His eyes were evil. When he was hurting Baby P he’d look at me and grin. He was evil all the time. There was no fun and laughter in the house. He made my skin crawl and made me feel physically sick. Of course I wanted to comfort Baby P. But no one was allowed to hug him or hold him.

“It made me feel angry and helpless. It tore my heart apart that there was nothing I could do to help him. If I could turn back the clock I would try and put it right.”

Tragically, Mary now feels SHE is no longer entitled to enjoy life, not even a good meal. She has refused the counselling she desperately needs because she feels it right that she is made to suffer too.

“I deserve to be going through this pain,” she adds pitifully.

Mary was just 15 when she ran away from home to be with Owen, 20 years her senior, in June 2007.

She moved with him and his three children—the eldest only a year younger then her—to the north London house that Baby P’s mum shared with her boyfriend and four kids. Baby P was the youngest in the household and came in for his stepfather’s vilest abuse.

Recalling the regime of fear inside the filthy council house, Mary says: “We were told we weren’t to pick the baby up. His mother was the only one allowed to do it. The baby’s room was at the top of the stairs and I wasn’t allowed in.

“He used to be in there by himself quite often, during the day as well the night. He’d call out for his ‘Mum-my’—that’s how he’d say it—but she never went to him.

“It’s heartbreaking. It was the only word I knew he could say. He’d cry for a little bit and realise no one was coming.

“Baby P was lovely. He had curly blonde hair but they shaved it off.

“I think it was because of those scabs on his head. It made him look even sadder. He wouldn’t come to adults. He wouldn’t even look around when he played with his toys. He’d focus on one spot as if he didn’t want people to see him. And he’d play with his teddies quietly to avoid attention.”

Asked to describe the shabby home in which her life was to change forever, Mary stares blankly into the distance. The trauma of what she witnessed is written on her young features. Her lank hair and haunted eyes make her look far older than her 16 years.

Unlike most teenage girls, Mary’s appearance is of no importance to her. Described by her family as “withdrawn and moody” she has dropped out of college and refuses to leave the house alone. She has had to deal with death threats and hate mail.

Even her own mother has disowned her—and has cruelly harangued her.

“She said all sorts of horrible things to me before the court case,” explains Mary. “She rung up shouting. I was ready to kill myself. The whole of my mum’s side of the family have cut me off. I’m not surprised how they reacted. I don’t blame them. I deserve it. Only my dad and stepmum have stuck by me, and my new boyfriend—we’ve been together 11 months now.” Mary says all eight children in the house, including her, knew better than to make any noise when Baby P’s stepfather was around. His word was law.

If he ordered them to tidy up their clothes and wasn’t satisfied with the result he’d scatter the garments everywhere and demand they start again.

The skinhead, his body covered in Nazi tattoos, would spend hour after hour glued to fascist movies and programmes about Hitler, his hero. And while other parents devote time to teaching children their first words, he amused himself by training Baby P to perform a Nazi ‘Sieg heil!’ salute.

Baby P’s neglectful mother was hardly ever awake to see her older children off to school, often not crawling out of bed until 11am. Then she’d spend hours on internet porn sites or chat rooms while Baby P lay alone in his cot. Mary quickly realised that this was no normal household.

“About two weeks after I moved in I started to see something wasn’t right about the way the stepfather was with the kids,” she says. “The first thing I seen was when he told Baby P and his sister to climb up and down on the sofa. They did it until they were really crying. But he was finding it funny and smirking.

“He used to squeeze Baby P’s fingers to make him cry. And I saw him spin one of the other youngsters on the computer chair until she fell off. He’d also wrap Baby P up in blankets a lot. He used to get really hot and dehydrated.

“The stepdad would also rub cream into Baby P’s head really hard. It was nappy rash cream and Baby P always cried at it. But the stepdad just ignored him.“

With the other children at school, Mary was often left alone with Baby P and his stepfather.

“He was really into the Nazi stuff and saying how he didn’t like coloured people,” she recalls. “He’d watch hours of videos on Hitler and lots of war films. He showed no affection. He’d click his fingers and point at Baby P which meant the little boy had to lower his head till it was right on the floor. It was like he was training a dog. He enjoyed tormenting the baby.

“And whenever the stepdad went into the baby’s room the little mite would wail. It wasn’t like crying when he was hungry. The tone was different. It was desperate, like he was saying, ‘Leave me alone!’

“Then the stepdad would come downstairs like nothing had happened. I was scared about what was going on. Sometimes I’d go and listen to music in my room to get away from the man.

“It made me nervous to be alone with him in the house. I thought he’d do the same to me if I said anything.

“He was scary. I wished I hadn’t run away from home but I was scared to go back. I was even scared to call my dad. I felt trapped. And I thought Baby P’s stepdad capable of anything.”

Not once does Mary remember Baby P’s 27-year-old mother feeding or changing her two youngest children.

“And I never saw her cuddle or kiss the children either,” she adds. “They’d just play by themselves. And all the kids had lice, it was nasty. You could see them on their eyebrows.

“She wasn’t a mum at all. She must have known what was going on with her baby. She never said, ‘What are these bruises?’ She never challenged her partner about what was going on.

“But she’d lie and tell me Baby P hurt himself tripping over his toys.”

Lodger Mary says that in contrast to cruelty meted out to the baby, the stepdad showered his girlfriend with affection. “They were always cuddling and kissing,” she adds. “There’d be lots of loud noises coming from their bedroom. They were all over each other the whole time. She was a sex maniac. The kids seemed used to it. She had a tattoo of the stepdad’s initials on her back, too. She thought more of him then she did of her kids.“

But the brute’s explosive temper always simmered below the surface and he could suddenly erupt in rage to turn on the mum. Like the day he threatened to BUTCHER her when he found she was having another baby.

“I heard it all,” says Mary. “He smashed the bedroom door in and said he was going to cut her up if she was pregnant. He was furious. She was screaming and crying, and he was going mad.”

Mary still fails to understand how social services missed clues to what was happening. On one occasion she was ordered out with the stepdad while a social worker called—as neither was meant to be living there.

She recalls: “Before we left the house the stepdad smeared chocolate on Baby P’s face using digestive biscuits, covering up all the bruises. It seemed like a routine thing for him. When we got back the mum was laughing and joking, like she’d got away with it.

“They should have known what was going on from the way Baby P looked. I was amazed they’d been fooled by a bit of chocolate. If only they’d wiped his face.

“Even after Baby P was found dead and everyone was crying the stepdad showed no remorse. He didn’t seem bothered by what had happened. I think he thought he’d get away with it, just like all the other times with the social services.

“When the case got to the Old Bailey I was to give evidence. I wanted to go in the court and face him, to finally prove I wasn’t scared of him any more.

“But in the end the only way I could do it was by videolink. My dad went in and told me the mum was sat there giggling while the stepdad had his feet up on the table, like it was a joke.

“They should both be locked up for a long time. No punishment is enough for them.“

NO fee has been paid for this story but at the request of Mary and her family a donation has been made to the NSPCC.

If he had lice on his eyebrows how comes no one spotted those for petes sake? Father, Grandmother, social services?

I dont believe this girl. She could have run anytime and told the police what was going on.

I think she probably felt a little distanced from it all in the way all teenagers do. They have an amazingly selfish attitude to most things and lets face it; she wasn't a very 'normal' teenager was she? She was living with that man who was 20 years older than her and was prepared to live in filth with him - it seems to me she was rather mentally unstable herself.

She seems like she was living in denial and when you are 15 death is something that seems improbable.

eddie wrote:I think she probably felt a little distanced from it all in the way all teenagers do. They have an amazingly selfish attitude to most things and lets face it; she wasn't a very 'normal' teenager was she? She was living with that man who was 20 years older than her and was prepared to live in filth with him - it seems to me she was rather mentally unstable herself.

She seems like she was living in denial and when you are 15 death is something that seems improbable.

I think she might have come from a family that didnt care about her and thats why she ran off.

SharonS wrote:

eddie wrote:I think she probably felt a little distanced from it all in the way all teenagers do. They have an amazingly selfish attitude to most things and lets face it; she wasn't a very 'normal' teenager was she? She was living with that man who was 20 years older than her and was prepared to live in filth with him - it seems to me she was rather mentally unstable herself.

She seems like she was living in denial and when you are 15 death is something that seems improbable.

I think she might have come from a family that didnt care about her and thats why she ran off.

Yes she certainly wasn't mentally stable. She probably noticed baby P's distress but wasn't totally aware of just how bad it was maybe...she was wrapped up in her own problems and that monster she lived with.