Many MP's to get free IPads....while Britain experiences financial hardship.

Jon Craig
May 02, 2012 4:37 PM

Recommend post (0) The complaint against MPs used to be that they enjoyed too much cheap, subsidised beer in the House of Commons bars.

Now it seems it's going to be harder for MPs to get a drink in Parliament, but many of them will get a free iPad on the taxpayer instead.

Hic!

I suspect that in the Strangers' Bar we'll soon be hearing anguished cries of "Make mine an iPad, barman!"

On the day Parliament prorogued this week, the Culture Committee's phone hacking report rather overshadowed the publication of a "House of Commons Commission Media Briefing Note".

A what?

No, don't yawn!

While Louise Mensch, Tom Watson and Co. were going 10 rounds in a bare-knuckle fight to disagree their report, the Commission was was talking iPads, boozing and £400,000 trees.

Commission? What's that? Who are they?

It's a committee of six senior MPs chaired by Speaker Bercow and including the Leader of the House, bicycling baronet Sir George Young and his Labour shadow, Angela Eagle.

The other three members are Tory MP and dentist Sir Paul Beresford, former LibDem hereditary peer John Thurso and Labour's Frank Doran.

Most of the pronouncements that come from this Commission are pretty potty.

And this one, on "mobile devices for Members", "alcohol policy" and "trees in Portcullis House", is no exception.

The Commission is proposing to offer iPads to MPs on committees that agree to "electronic delivery of documents". I guess that's emails to you and me.

The aim, according to the Commission, is to "reduce expenditure on paper" and "improve environmental performance".

Yeah, right!

The first thing most people who receive big documents by email do is hit the "print" button on their computer and then clog up the office printer/photocopier.

And I bet MPs are no exception to this rule either.

Apparently, MPs will be able to swap their old laptop for one of these new iPads, saving taxpayers £50,000, we're told.

Very nice. But let's not forget we taxpayers are paying for all this kit.

But if you think that's barmy, a booze crackdown that was no doubt prompted by the Eric Joyce punch-up sounds even barmier and more difficult to enforce:

1. There's going to be a "wider range of non-alcoholic drinks and lower strength beers" in the bars, restaurants and cafes.

As if that's going to make any difference to the so-called booze culture in Parliament.

2. Bar staff are going to get more "training and support in refusing to serve customers when necessary".

Daft! In my experience (!) the bar staff are perfectly well trained already.

3. At receptions glasses will be "topped up less frequently".

Scandalous! That will really impress visitors to the House of Commons. And indeed those hosting receptions.

4. Consulting on the opening hours of the bars.

Well, I can confirm that those opening hours are getting shorter and shorter already.

Is the aim here to drive customers out of the Palace of Westminster into the expensive pubs nearby?

Actually, I fear that may well be the aim of these nanny staters on the House of Commons Commission.

At least the news on those expensive fig trees in Portcullis House is less controversial. The maintenance contract has been slashed by 60%.

Hurrah!

But it's only one cheer out of three for bossy Bercow and his Commission, I'm afraid.

Now... If I can find a bar open during this pre-Queen's Speech recess, I'm going to go go in search of an MP with a flashy new iPad...

And then slowly sip a half of weak beer poured by a barman who has probably been taught to smell my breath before serving me!

Cheers!

This presumes that our 'Honourable Members are capable of using an Ipad. Listening to their howling, grunting and whining when debating in the commons suggests most will need instructions in unwrapping their new toy.....Cretins!

malena stool wrote:This presumes that our 'Honourable Members are capable of using an Ipad. Listening to their howling, grunting and whining when debating in the commons suggests most will need instructions in unwrapping their new toy.....Cretins!

It always sounds like the Muppet show to me.