Letter to the U.K. Passport Office

This apparently is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.



Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this.

How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and
knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977,
and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and
on what date.

For Heaven's sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have
on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed
for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving
license, my car insurance, and on the last eight damn passports I've
had and on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill
out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all
those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely
astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had
enough of this bullshit! You post the application to my house, THEN you
ask me for my bloody address!!!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals workin' there?

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig
up Yasser Arafat, for Goodness sakes.

I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a toss whether I
plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to
do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the
last people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
poxy city to get another bloody copy of my birth certificate, to the
tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo,
that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us
running all over the soddin place like chickens with our heads cut off.

Then I have to find some idiot to confirm that it's really me on the
damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(bureaucratic morons).

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're
totally pissed off!

Signed
An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone
to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country
since 1776...... I have served in the military for over 30 years and
have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to
undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. However, I
have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone
like my doctor – WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!





Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "pick
up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
promised land."
Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on
your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."
Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price
of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.
Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he
hasn't realised yet that WE are now a third World country), raised my
fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant
bankers" and increased VAT to 20%.
I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my
call to a call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal, they got
all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



--
J.D.Yates.
Tides Reach, 8 Yealm View Road,
Newton Ferrers,
Plymouth,
Devon PL8 1AN

Telephone: 01752 872609

Would you like your country back? Governed by ourselves?
Why not check out the Independence Party at http://www.ukip.org/
There is a
4th
way.

It sounds like a spoof to me but lately I've become so suspicious of everyone! The address at the bottom is genuine and the UKIP has a contact address in Devon.

I'd say that it's the work of someone in the BNP rather than in the UKIP.

Not Born Yesterday wrote:It sounds like a spoof to me but lately I've become so suspicious of everyone! The address at the bottom is genuine and the UKIP has a contact address in Devon.

I'd say that it's the work of someone in the BNP rather than in the UKIP.

No, I don't think it is a spoof, very true and funny , I don't think anyone in the BNP could write such an intelligent letter. With the shambles in Europe UKIP is becoming more popular and the campaign in the DE for a referendum proving that the public want their Country back.

I thought it was very funny!
Don't think its genuine mind you. Just someone trying to make a point.

I had big trouble with the Passport Office a few years ago. My son had booked for us to go to Paris and I needed a new passport. After several attempts at getting a photograph the local Post Office would pass (not quite full face etc) I took the option of the 48 hours emergency service, went down to London, went through the metal detector, got my cheese counter raffle ticket thing and waited. I spent a few minutes at a glass window for what was my 'interview,' paid my 96 quid and went home, confident that my passport was guaranteed to arrive within 48 hours.

The next day, I got home from work, after office hours, and found a long message on the phone from someone at the Passport Office. The English was so poor I hadn't a clue what the message was about. Well, my passport didn't arrive and I lost my holiday. They gave me £25 in compensation! Twenty five quid for the loss of a holiday that had been paid for. The person who 'interviewed,' me at the PO hardly spoke English either.

I laboriously transcribed the telephone message from the PO.

Hello Miss, eh, Mrs xxxxxx. This is London Identity and Passport Service. I have to give you a call regarding your forename. In your previous passport, the one that was lost, we managed to get the file and it has got your forename is xxxxxxx, your surname is (as?) xxxxxx. I am unable to add xxx....xx....xx, xxxx, Weed (sic!) because it is not in your previous passport and you have not stated in your application form on Section 8 that you wanted forenames to be added as a forename. You only wrote your old passport was lost at home somewhere. That was it. We have got to do according to the procedure for you..er..for us to implement the same name, xxxxxxx xxxxxx.
If you are not happy, well you have to send me* a letter, otherwise you will not receive your passport in time. We have got to go according to the old passport, which is xxxxxxx xxxxxx.

OK. Bye bye now."

*Me? Who?

Telephone number recorded on caller ID as, "Number withheld." No name given. Who should I address a letter to? "Me," at the Passport Office?

I wonder if anyone has dialled the phone number.....I still think it it true.LOL It seems there is no Government Department working efficiently today, the standard is very bad and the public is really fed up with it all. It started really when Departments were farmed out instead of being run by Government employees.

About 3 weeks ago I received a letter from an Agency , including a book of six first class Olympics stamps , saying I would be contacted regarding Sports. Last week a Guy called regarding this , I invited him in and the 60 questions were a waste of time for me at my age.!!!!!! This week I get a call from the Agency askling me another load of questions about the Interview and the Person who conducted it.......all this to find out the interest in Sport, to what end????

Panda wrote:I wonder if anyone has dialled the phone number.....I still think it it true.LOL It seems there is no Government Department working efficiently today, the standard is very bad and the public is really fed up with it all. It started really when Departments were farmed out instead of being run by Government employees.

About 3 weeks ago I received a letter from an Agency , including a book of six first class Olympics stamps , saying I would be contacted regarding Sports. Last week a Guy called regarding this , I invited him in and the 60 questions were a waste of time for me at my age.!!!!!! This week I get a call from the Agency askling me another load of questions about the Interview and the Person who conducted it.......all this to find out the interest in Sport, to what end????

It's the same with private companies, Panda. I had big big trouble a few weeks back with Vodafone, who had managed to mislay a payment and cut my phone off. I tried phoning and got nowhere because I had to do things like spell the word 'sitting.' I told the man with an Asian accent, "Barclays says the money has been sitting in your account since bla bla " I had to spell 'sitting,' and explain what it meant in terms of the cash! It took me a couple of weeks, but I finally got a man who had an English name and spoke wonderful English. A relief, I can tell you! And he sorted out the problem in minutes!

The Standard of Customer Care has been transferred to India, Singapore, etc and we pay through the nose......why do we

let it go on???? The one thing about Sky is technical support is in Scotland , but customer support was poor and I left to

join Virgin, who are worse. When my contract finishes in October I am seriously moving, thinking of trying the Post Office, half the cost but not sure about Technical Support, will find out.

Panda wrote:I wonder if anyone has dialled the phone number.....I still think it it true.LOL It seems there is no Government Department working efficiently today, the standard is very bad and the public is really fed up with it all.

Oh, I think the phone number, address and possibly even the name of the person are real. I just think the complaint is a spoof to make the point of how bad things have become, iykwim?

wjk wrote:

Panda wrote:I wonder if anyone has dialled the phone number.....I still think it it true.LOL It seems there is no Government Department working efficiently today, the standard is very bad and the public is really fed up with it all.

Oh, I think the phone number, address and possibly even the name of the person are real. I just think the complaint is a spoof to make the point of how bad things have become, iykwim?

OH, Gotcha!!!! Yes, I think the guy is a UKIP Member , obviously articulate and his letter highlights just the kind of daft procedures Organisations take.

When I worked P/Time for the NHS, my job was Receptionist at various Clinics, as and when required. One time I received a huge questionnaire to fill in to do with an application for money from the King's Fund. It was all to do with Nursing practices, how to lift Patients, Hygeine etc......nothing to do with me so I sent it back. I got a call from the Manager saying I had to fill it in and she would meet me at the nearest Clinic to help me.!!!! It took 2 hours for which I was paid, her time and travel costs ...all to no avail because nothing in the questionaire related to my job.

Panda wrote:This apparently is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.



Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this.

How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and
knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977,
and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and
on what date.

For Heaven's sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have
on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed
for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving
license, my car insurance, and on the last eight damn passports I've
had and on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill
out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all
those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely
astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had
enough of this bullshit! You post the application to my house, THEN you
ask me for my bloody address!!!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals workin' there?

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig
up Yasser Arafat, for Goodness sakes.

I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a toss whether I
plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to
do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the
last people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
poxy city to get another bloody copy of my birth certificate, to the
tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo,
that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us
running all over the soddin place like chickens with our heads cut off.

Then I have to find some idiot to confirm that it's really me on the
damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(bureaucratic morons).

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're
totally pissed off!

Signed
An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone
to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country
since 1776...... I have served in the military for over 30 years and
have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to
undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. However, I
have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone
like my doctor – WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!





Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "pick
up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
promised land."
Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on
your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."
Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price
of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.
Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he
hasn't realised yet that WE are now a third World country), raised my
fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant
bankers" and increased VAT to 20%.
I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my
call to a call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal, they got
all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



--
J.D.Yates.
Tides Reach, 8 Yealm View Road,
Newton Ferrers,
Plymouth,
Devon PL8 1AN

Telephone: 01752 872609

Would you like your country back? Governed by ourselves?
Why not check out the Independence Party at http://www.ukip.org/
There is a
4th
way.

This is a spoof. The facts regarding applying for a passport are all wrong. He said he has had eight passports being as they last ten years he must be getting on a bit.

Also if you are renewing your passport you do not need to fill in all those details over and over again. Also you only need to get someone to verify it is you on the first passport you apply for.

Also that stuff at the end about Moses has been one of those email jokes circling around for many moons now.

Even if this was real I have to say any checks and rigerous security involved in applying for a passport is fine with me

Hi fuzeta, I don't think it is a spoof, and he may have been talking about family Passports when he mentions 8. It is obviously an exaggeration but he is right in many respects. It's the likes of Passport Control which needs to be vigilant and this new idea of speeding things up by being able to swipe your Passport instead of showing it to a Control Officer is to my mind open to abuse.

Panda wrote:Hi fuzeta, I don't think it is a spoof, and he may have been talking about family Passports when he mentions 8. It is obviously an exaggeration but he is right in many respects. It's the likes of Passport Control which needs to be vigilant and this new idea of speeding things up by being able to swipe your Passport instead of showing it to a Control Officer is to my mind open to abuse.

Hi Panda, he says he has to go and get another copy of his birth certificate costing £30. Well he must have eight birth certificates by now then, so he could just use one of those. They always send them back and you only need to send it the first time you apply for one. It is made up IMO Especially as he has tagged that old joke on the end

fuzeta wrote:

Panda wrote:Hi fuzeta, I don't think it is a spoof, and he may have been talking about family Passports when he mentions 8. It is obviously an exaggeration but he is right in many respects. It's the likes of Passport Control which needs to be vigilant and this new idea of speeding things up by being able to swipe your Passport instead of showing it to a Control Officer is to my mind open to abuse.

Hi Panda, he says he has to go and get another copy of his birth certificate costing £30. Well he must have eight birth certificates by now then, so he could just use one of those. They always send them back and you only need to send it the first time you apply for one. It is made up IMO Especially as he has tagged that old joke on the end

Morning fuzeta, yes i noticed the old joke But as i say, I think he is "over egging" ( hate that expression) his

experience with the Passport Office in particular and Officialdom in general. We have all at times had to fill in forms and wondered at the IQ of the people who compile them.

Panda wrote:

fuzeta wrote:

Panda wrote:Hi fuzeta, I don't think it is a spoof, and he may have been talking about family Passports when he mentions 8. It is obviously an exaggeration but he is right in many respects. It's the likes of Passport Control which needs to be vigilant and this new idea of speeding things up by being able to swipe your Passport instead of showing it to a Control Officer is to my mind open to abuse.

Hi Panda, he says he has to go and get another copy of his birth certificate costing £30. Well he must have eight birth certificates by now then, so he could just use one of those. They always send them back and you only need to send it the first time you apply for one. It is made up IMO Especially as he has tagged that old joke on the end

Morning fuzeta, yes i noticed the old joke But as i say, I think he is "over egging" ( hate that expression) his

experience with the Passport Office in particular and Officialdom in general. We have all at times had to fill in forms and wondered at the IQ of the people who compile them.

Have you been reading my efforts at form filling, Panda?

malena stool wrote:

Panda wrote:

fuzeta wrote:

Panda wrote:Hi fuzeta, I don't think it is a spoof, and he may have been talking about family Passports when he mentions 8. It is obviously an exaggeration but he is right in many respects. It's the likes of Passport Control which needs to be vigilant and this new idea of speeding things up by being able to swipe your Passport instead of showing it to a Control Officer is to my mind open to abuse.

Hi Panda, he says he has to go and get another copy of his birth certificate costing £30. Well he must have eight birth certificates by now then, so he could just use one of those. They always send them back and you only need to send it the first time you apply for one. It is made up IMO Especially as he has tagged that old joke on the end

Morning fuzeta, yes i noticed the old joke But as i say, I think he is "over egging" ( hate that expression) his

experience with the Passport Office in particular and Officialdom in general. We have all at times had to fill in forms and wondered at the IQ of the people who compile them.

Have you been reading my efforts at form filling, Panda?

Well malena, since you have mentioned it......

Remembering my experiences working as a Receptionist at NHS clinics I could write a book . One of the tasks was to check people in who had appointments . One day, a Lady came it with her son who looked about 10/11 yrs old and had

forgotten to bring her letter. I looked through the list and told her it was with the Enueresis Clinic, she said "No, I remember, it's the bedwetting clinic."

Panda wrote:

malena stool wrote:

Panda wrote:

fuzeta wrote:

Panda wrote:Hi fuzeta, I don't think it is a spoof, and he may have been talking about family Passports when he mentions 8. It is obviously an exaggeration but he is right in many respects. It's the likes of Passport Control which needs to be vigilant and this new idea of speeding things up by being able to swipe your Passport instead of showing it to a Control Officer is to my mind open to abuse.

Hi Panda, he says he has to go and get another copy of his birth certificate costing £30. Well he must have eight birth certificates by now then, so he could just use one of those. They always send them back and you only need to send it the first time you apply for one. It is made up IMO Especially as he has tagged that old joke on the end

Morning fuzeta, yes i noticed the old joke But as i say, I think he is "over egging" ( hate that expression) his

experience with the Passport Office in particular and Officialdom in general. We have all at times had to fill in forms and wondered at the IQ of the people who compile them.

Have you been reading my efforts at form filling, Panda?

Well malena, since you have mentioned it......

Remembering my experiences working as a Receptionist at NHS clinics I could write a book . One of the tasks was to check people in who had appointments . One day, a Lady came it with her son who looked about 10/11 yrs old and had

forgotten to bring her letter. I looked through the list and told her it was with the Enueresis Clinic, she said "No, I remember, it's the bedwetting clinic."

I remember that Panda, it was me and my mam....

malena stool wrote:

Panda wrote:

malena stool wrote:

Panda wrote:

fuzeta wrote:

Hi Panda, he says he has to go and get another copy of his birth certificate costing £30. Well he must have eight birth certificates by now then, so he could just use one of those. They always send them back and you only need to send it the first time you apply for one. It is made up IMO Especially as he has tagged that old joke on the end

Morning fuzeta, yes i noticed the old joke But as i say, I think he is "over egging" ( hate that expression) his

experience with the Passport Office in particular and Officialdom in general. We have all at times had to fill in forms and wondered at the IQ of the people who compile them.

Have you been reading my efforts at form filling, Panda?

Well malena, since you have mentioned it......

Remembering my experiences working as a Receptionist at NHS clinics I could write a book . One of the tasks was to check people in who had appointments . One day, a Lady came it with her son who looked about 10/11 yrs old and had

forgotten to bring her letter. I looked through the list and told her it was with the Enueresis Clinic, she said "No, I remember, it's the bedwetting clinic."

I remember that Panda, it was me and my mam....

Are you from upt North Malena? My Father was a Yorkshire Man, my Mother from the Midlands . I lived in Yarm on Tees until I was 12 and used to call my Mother Mam. Now back in the Midlands I call her Mom. Down South it is Mum is'nt it?

Hi fuzeta, no I'm midlands born and bred... It's all; me duck, gerroff and aint gorrenuff round here I'm afraid. I've cousins in that strange land down south, (Wiltshire) who call their mother, (my aunt) mum. But they are a weird bunch who can't speak proper..

malena stool wrote:Hi fuzeta, no I'm midlands born and bred... It's all; me duck, gerroff and aint gorrenuff round here I'm afraid. I've cousins in that strange land down south, (Wiltshire) who call their mother, (my aunt) mum. But they are a weird bunch who can't speak proper..

My grandson lives in the East Midlands and started 'big school,' last year. I tease him about picking up the local accent. When a plane goes over where I live I say, "Look, a plane going to Birmingham," knowing that he'll say, once again, "Nanny Anna (sigh) it's not Birmingham, it's Birming GUM!" When he makes a comment about my Scottish accent, I sing, "I'm proud to be an American."

"Nanna Anna, you're not an American."

malena stool wrote:Hi fuzeta, no I'm midlands born and bred... It's all; me duck, gerroff and aint gorrenuff round here I'm afraid. I've cousins in that strange land down south, (Wiltshire) who call their mother, (my aunt) mum. But they are a weird bunch who can't speak proper..

Glad to hear you are one of us Malena. I am Wolverhampton born and bred so I do know the lingo and I do talk proper. Moved to the frozen North when I was just a babby. Lived right on the river Tees It was that cold we used to put all the. coats on the bed Moved back when I was 12. I do not live in Wolverhampton now but my relatives do.

AnnaEsse wrote:

malena stool wrote:Hi fuzeta, no I'm midlands born and bred... It's all; me duck, gerroff and aint gorrenuff round here I'm afraid. I've cousins in that strange land down south, (Wiltshire) who call their mother, (my aunt) mum. But they are a weird bunch who can't speak proper..

My grandson lives in the East Midlands and started 'big school,' last year. I tease him about picking up the local accent. When a plane goes over where I live I say, "Look, a plane going to Birmingham," knowing that he'll say, once again, "Nanny Anna (sigh) it's not Birmingham, it's Birming GUM!" When he makes a comment about my Scottish accent, I sing, "I'm proud to be an American."

"Nanna Anna, you're not an American."

fuzeta wrote:

malena stool wrote:Hi fuzeta, no I'm midlands born and bred... It's all; me duck, gerroff and aint gorrenuff round here I'm afraid. I've cousins in that strange land down south, (Wiltshire) who call their mother, (my aunt) mum. But they are a weird bunch who can't speak proper..

Glad to hear you are one of us Malena. I am Wolverhampton born and bred so I do know the lingo and I do talk proper. Moved to the frozen North when I was just a babby. Lived right on the river Tees It was that cold we used to put all the. coats on the bed Moved back when I was 12. I do not live in Wolverhampton now but my relatives do.

I'm from Leicester, born in Wharf Street and when I was a lad our house was so cold we had condensation on the outside...

malena stool wrote:

fuzeta wrote:

malena stool wrote:Hi fuzeta, no I'm midlands born and bred... It's all; me duck, gerroff and aint gorrenuff round here I'm afraid. I've cousins in that strange land down south, (Wiltshire) who call their mother, (my aunt) mum. But they are a weird bunch who can't speak proper..

Glad to hear you are one of us Malena. I am Wolverhampton born and bred so I do know the lingo and I do talk proper. Moved to the frozen North when I was just a babby. Lived right on the river Tees It was that cold we used to put all the. coats on the bed Moved back when I was 12. I do not live in Wolverhampton now but my relatives do.

I'm from Leicester, born in Wharf Street and when I was a lad our house was so cold we had condensation on the outside...

We could not see out of our windows for the ice on the inside.