Missing Madeleine
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Website helpthesechildren.ning.com

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Post  milly Wed 2 Nov - 23:40

Website helpthesechildren.ning.com

An American based website, run by one woman. Here is her very interesting story....

A portion of my story:
I've been on many sides of this issue.

When my daughter was 10, she came very close to being abducted by a stranger. We lived on a dead end street in a "high income" area. We were supposed to be safe. Waiting for her little brother to get ready to go sleigh riding did not appeal to her. So she went outside to wait, to skate on a large icey area. A stranger pulled up, opened the passanger door, and spoke to her. She didn't hear (hearing aides were not an option in January, because batteries didn't work in the cold) so she went closer. And closer. Until he grabbed for her across the seat. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God that her reflexes worked as well as they did, and she got away. They never caught him.

At another time of my life, I had to "go underground" with a toddler to escape abuse.
A woman in the shelter I was in recieved "information" that there had been a hit put on me by my child's father, so they sent me to another state via thier shelters. Within three months of being settled in, the father showed up on my door step. I discovered when I returened, that the family court had allowed him to issue summons' for my family to be questioned... BY HIM. It was all to receive informatoin about where i was. If I had been smart, not a soul in my family would have known. But I did tell my sister, and she spilled her guts.

It didn't make sense to me.
Because 1) I had an order of protection 2) his violence was WELL documented 3) I had full custody, he had supervised visitation.

Now, mind you, I was barely 20, and an immature and naive 20 at that.

So, I returned. They turned my baby over to the father. I fought him in court to regain custody. I jumped through all the hoops, did all that they said... job, counselling, etc.. verified that I would be able to take care of my baby.

They were to return my son to me at the next court date.

We were due to return to court in 4 or 5 days, when the father took my son to the Emergency room, stating that the man I was with (my husband & father to my youngest two - I was pregnant with our daughter) had "squeezed ****'s penis"... There were pictures. I was at my sisters when the BCI went to my dads, and then came to speak with me. I had worked all weekend, leaving my son with my , then fiance (we lived with his parents), most of the time. I refused to believe that my fiance was capable of such a thing.
Needless to say, I lost ALL hopes of custody as a result. In fact, my son's father saw to it that I didn't even get near him for almost a year.
The devestation was complete.

Now... he did ALL of this, with a well documented history of abuse and life threatening behaviors (he pushed me down the stairs when I was pregnant, broke a couple of my fingers another time, and pointed a loaded shot gun at me the night before I went to the shelter).

To this day... I STILL don't get it. It's been over 23 years.

My son told me, only last year... that nothing happened to him, when he was younger. That my husband did no such thing.

Now, I'd like to tell you that my son and I are close. I wish more than anything that this would be true. But we aren't. Because of who his father is, because of all he did to me, I was forced to put distance between he & I. Which meant distance between my son and I.

My son now has 2 children. I have grandchildren. And because of the choices I made to put distance between myself and his father through those years, my son's wife has determined that I "abandoned him" & now I'm just not good enough. The final decision seems to have been made when my precious granddaughter turned a year old.Last year, they had a birthday party for her... never called me, but told my daughter... I am no longer able to drive because of physical disability.. and since I couldn't get to the party, they will no longer even speak to me. So now, I love my grandchildren from afar, and am no longer allowed contact with any of them.

My heart knows that my son loves me. He even understood... up until last year. I send them love and prayers every single day, but it doesn't fill my arms or wrap around my neck, llike the arms of a grandchild.
But what gets me... is that they never... ever have asked ME what happened. No one has ever come to me to ask what happened.

Being forced to maintain a distance, when every single fiber of your being yearns for the child that is such a tremendous part of you.
Never knowing, from one day to the next, whether or not you will ever see your child again. Ever touch thier face.

I wish I could tell you that this get's easier. It doesnt.
My son is almost 30 now. My soul yearns for him every bit as much as it did that first day. It now also yearns for my grandchildren.

ahh such is life

After losing custody of ****, I went to bed for 3 months. My devestation was so complete, all I did was sleep. I rose from bed only when I was forced to, or to use the bathroom. It was probably a good thing we lived with my fiance's parents.. I was in dangerous shape. I came out of it, after a dream I had of my son.

He and I were in an unknown house. We were hiding under stairs, and somewhere above and around us, there was gun fire. I remember that "they" were looking for us. "They" were going to kill us. I heard them coming closer, so I hid my son well, and ran in an effort for "Them" to chase me.. moving them away from my son. I heard them chasing me, but then I heard a scream and gun fire. In my dream, I was suddenly holding my baby in my arms. There was blood everywhere. ((As I type this, inspite of all of the years that has passed, the emotions and experience comes back to me like it was yesterday))... My son looked up at me, baby that he was (4 yrs old) and told me.. "Mommy, I'm going to be really good. I'm just fine. I'm in God's Hands."
Although I awoke, sobbing uncontrollably, and unable to breath for a couple of hours, this dream got me out of bed.

I share this with you ... so that you will understand what I did after the dream.

Your baby is in God's hands. For what ever reason that this is all happening, it just is. It is what it is.
DO NOT beat yourself up.
There wasnt a damned thing you could have done to change the course of what was to be.

You MUST trust that God/Great Spirit is holding your precious baby in His love.

At this time in my life, I am a disabled shut-in.
I spend my days devoted to the children who are lost upon this Earth. With all of my heart and soul, I truly believe that if we circulate their photos and information, they WILL have a better chance. Doing so allows a better chance that someone will recognize them. Getting the beautiful faces of the lost children out, far and wide, also places them within the hearts and prayers of so many more.


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