We can't hold our kids' hands forever, Guardian, 13.11.09

"A few months ago, I left my eight-year-old alone for 10 minutes in my flat while I nipped to the shops to get some milk – OK, wine. I asked her to come with me. She was watching TV and the prospect of getting shoes on and missing her shouty American show on Nickelodeon was apparently too much to bear.

I quickly ran through the "what ifs". If anyone rings the doorbell, don't answer it. Here's my mobile in case of an emergency. I left the flat, found myself half running to the nearby shop, a creeping sense of guilt rising in my guts. I berated myself for not telling C not to eat anything. What if at that exact moment she was choking to death on a grape?"

I nip to my local shop (3 mins away) about twice a week. Is it an option for my 8 year-old (very sensible and trustworthy child) to stay at home whilst I do??

NO!

And to tell the truth, he would be quite horrified if I suggested he did.

Edit: Actually I just asked him "What would you think if I said I was going to the shop and I was going to leave you here for 10 minutes alone?"

He said : " I'd think 'You stupid woman!' "

Childrens services view:

Children home alone
There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted for neglect if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’ (Children and Young Person’s Act). Constantly leaving a child alone is classed as neglect, which is a form of child abuse.

Parents therefore need to give careful thought to the following before they leave their child alone:

Ages of children, and their levels of maturity and understanding
How long they would be left
Time of day
If there are contact numbers in case of emergency
Do the children know what to do in an emergency? Do they know how to make a phone call?
Do the phones work? Are mobiles charged and have credit?
Is there a neighbour watching?
Are there other relations who can be contacted?
The NSPCC also gives the following advice:

If possible, leave a telephone number where you can be contacted, and be available to answer it immediately.
Talk to your child about keeping safe at home and point out the potential dangers. Tell them not to answer the door to strangers.
Give clear instructions about what to do if there's an emergency. All children left alone should be able to phone the emergency services.
Leave a list of trusted people they can contact.
Put obvious dangers out of reach of children, eg medicines, chemicals, matches, etc.
Make sure that the child is happy about the arrangements and confident about being left.
Tell the child when you'll be back, and make sure you're back on time.
Talk to him or her about it afterwards.
Parents should be advised that if a member of the public rings to report a child home alone, they will be referred to the Police who have powers of entry if necessary.

There is further advice and information on the direct.gov.uk and NSPCC websites. There is also an NSPCC leaflet which summarises their advice.

Clearley stating in the first paragraph that constantly leaving a child alone ia classed as negleact, therefore child abuse.

eddie wrote:
I nip to my local shop (3 mins away) about twice a week. Is it an option for my 8 year-old (very sensible and trustworthy child) to stay at home whilst I do??

NO!

And to tell the truth, he would be quite horrified if I suggested he did.

Edit: Actually I just asked him "What would you think if I said I was going to the shop and I was going to leave you here for 10 minutes alone?"

He said : " I'd think 'You stupid woman!' "

Well said!

And to your little one: Well said!

I could never leave my child home alone and my child would be horrified if I suggested I did that and think I was stupid if I did. I have just asked her (she is 10) she has said Don't be daft mum! Why would you do that?

Madeleine McCann's parents were forgiven by some for leaving a three-year-old and two-year-old twins alone...



Yes, some forgave them.

What about Madeleine?

Officially it is NOT impossible (when you haven't studied the files) that Madeleine has been raped, abused, tortured.....

The parents enabled a person to abduct their daughter (officially, again).

But some forgave Madeleines parents. For THAT!

This makes no sense at all.

Unbelievable!!!

lj wrote:

Allison wrote:

lj wrote:The problem is that examples with older children in much safer situations are used to whitewash the McCanns gross neglect.

Of course you have to teach children how to do things on their own. But that is something else than leaving 2 2 yr olds (they don't call it terrible 2 for nothing) and a 3 year old alone in a strange bed, in a strange room, in a strange house, in a strange place, in a strange country.

Not only that, the environment was making one the mothers so uncomfortable that she had trouble checking if her sick baby had dirtied her diaper again.

Not only that Madeleine had asked "why didn't you come when we were crying".

Now that is something completely different from leaving an eight year olf alone in her own comfort zone for a little while.

I don't think that the intention was to whitewash anything. In my opinion perfectly good parents are afraid to give their children any responsibility [inhibiting their development btw] in case they [the kid] make a mess of it and they look like irresponsible parents.

I've just had my 9 year old daughter in the local healthclinic, she has been asking for earrings for ages driving me and her father mad but we fought her off for as long as we could. Finally we relented and agreed she could have her ears done as long as they were studs and as long as she looked after them herself. That was all agreed and the piercing went ahead. I prompted the ear bathing etc for the first few days but three other kids and a family crisis meant Holly had to take responsibility for her own ears. She didn't bother, the ears became infected and long story short the earrings had to be removed.

My point here [finally] is that we have to give them short bursts of responsibility to see how they deal with it. I don't think Holly will want earrings again any time soon but I'm sure when she does she'll look after them. I don't think our expectations were unreasonable, I would have thought it was a fair expectation that she mind her own ears - but it seems we were all wrong, so back to the drawing board..

So you don't think that mentione the McCanns in one line and the next line being about an 8 yr old, who likely can call 911,who is in her own house, busy with a favorite pasttime during the daytime is left after consulting her for a short period, is whitewashing the McCann's neglect?

Dream on.

No,I don't.

magicslipper wrote:Childrens services view:

Children home alone
There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted for neglect if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’ (Children and Young Person’s Act). Constantly leaving a child alone is classed as neglect, which is a form of child abuse.

Parents therefore need to give careful thought to the following before they leave their child alone:

Ages of children, and their levels of maturity and understanding
How long they would be left
Time of day
If there are contact numbers in case of emergency
Do the children know what to do in an emergency? Do they know how to make a phone call?
Do the phones work? Are mobiles charged and have credit?
Is there a neighbour watching?
Are there other relations who can be contacted?
The NSPCC also gives the following advice:

If possible, leave a telephone number where you can be contacted, and be available to answer it immediately.
Talk to your child about keeping safe at home and point out the potential dangers. Tell them not to answer the door to strangers.
Give clear instructions about what to do if there's an emergency. All children left alone should be able to phone the emergency services.
Leave a list of trusted people they can contact.
Put obvious dangers out of reach of children, eg medicines, chemicals, matches, etc.
Make sure that the child is happy about the arrangements and confident about being left.
Tell the child when you'll be back, and make sure you're back on time.
Talk to him or her about it afterwards.
Parents should be advised that if a member of the public rings to report a child home alone, they will be referred to the Police who have powers of entry if necessary.

There is further advice and information on the direct.gov.uk and NSPCC websites. There is also an NSPCC leaflet which summarises their advice.

Clearley stating in the first paragraph that constantly leaving a child alone ia classed as negleact, therefore child abuse.

The McCanns say they thought it was OK to leave the children because they were not far away and they left a heavy sliding door unlocked in case of fire. As I have said before, the two year old twins would not have been able to get out of their travel cots and their three year old sister would not have known where her parents were or how to get help. Responsible parenting? No. Neglect? Yes, especially reading the above. The children were placed at risk and they were left alone on several consecutive occasions. Neglect, neglect, neglect.

Of course Children have to become independent and the time comes when you have to let your Child do things on their own, you know your Child and you have to eventually let that happen to become Street wise,mine are grown up now but I found it hard but you have too let them become independent, yes I was a protective Mum and I am not ashamed to say that.

Leaving three Children the oldest who was three in a supposedly yes a supposedly unlocked Apartment while the McCann's went out they were not with in hearing distance, Kate said she left them after 8pm and she never went back till the supposed check at 10pm, and that is their Mother, it seemed they spent no time with their Children why did they bother to take them on Holiday, perhaps Kate McCann was not the Maternal Mother she makes out she is and was.

Anything could have happened choking accident's a nightmare, Madeleine had supposedly said why did you not come when Sean and I cried, yet this Mother if you can call her that never saw her three small babies for nearly two Hour's because she was too busy eating with her friend's in the Tapas Bar but it was their me time... disgraceful.
Jane Tanner and her Husband also left their sick child they were neglectful too that child could have choked.


The McCann's are Doctor's so its ok for them to do it, a totally different Story would have evolved around the Family normal Mr & Mrs Joe Blogg's a totally different Story.

This sort of article really annoys me, as does the NSPCC guidelines.

If you've got to go through a checklist, point out dangers etc then obviously the child isn't mature enough to be left alone. I never ever left mine at home to "pop" down the shops - if anything was desperately needed then they'd be dressed and dragged if necessary. Same as when the old man broke down (frequently) on his way home in the middle of the night, sleeping children were roused and strapped into their car seats when I went on a rescue mission. Never even occurred to me to leave them in their beds, warm and sleeping soundly. I'd rather have grouchy children with me than leave them to their own devices.

From the article : A few months ago, I left my eight-year-old alone for 10 minutes in my flat while I nipped to the shops to get some milk – OK, wine. I asked her to come with me. She was watching TV and the prospect of getting shoes on and missing her shouty American show on Nickelodeon was apparently too much to bear.

I quickly ran through the "what ifs". If anyone rings the doorbell, don't answer it. Here's my mobile in case of an emergency. I left the flat, found myself half running to the nearby shop, a creeping sense of guilt rising in my guts. I berated myself for not telling C not to eat anything. What if at that exact moment she was choking to death on a grape?

My reply : stupid negligent cow.