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Borderline Personality Disorder and Suicide

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Borderline Personality Disorder and Suicide

Post  FSoares on Thu 1 Jul - 1:30









Symptoms of Borderline Personality
Disorder



Trying to determine if someone in your life may
suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder? This eight minute video is a good
starting point (1).


You will soon find out, however, that this is a
complex question. There are no simple behavioral checklists; no definitive
tests. Identifying Borderline Personality Disorder requires having a working
knowledge of the disorder and some insight into the past life of the person in
question.


Borderline Personality Disorder is a disorder of
the emotions. Imagine a person who is extremely sensitive to rejection (fearful
of even perceived or anticipated rejection) and has a limited ability to
modulate their emotional impulses (love, fear, anger, grief, etc.). To protect
themselves from their own feelings, they are prone to adopt a multitude of
dysfunctional rationalizations and cover-ups.


For example, a person suffering from BPD may so
fear rejection in a new relatinship that they recreate themselves in the image
of a person they believe would be lovable. When the negative emotions for
making such a sacrifice surface - and not having the ability to modulate them,
they lash out at the target of their affections for "making them do
it" - rather than face their own feelings of inadequancy / fear of
rejection, ultimately damaging the relationship they so fear losing, and
reinforcing their feelings of inadequancy / fear of rejection.


What is going on in a Borderline Personality
Disorder sufferer's mind and how they are acting can be two entirely different
things.


To the sufferer, BPD is about deep feelings,
feelings often too difficult to express, feelings that are something along the
lines of this (2):



If others really get to know me, they will
find me rejectable and will not be able to love me; and they will leave me;


I need to have complete control of my
feelings otherwise things go completely wrong;


I have to adapt my needs to other people's
wishes, otherwise they will leave me or attack me;


I am an evil person and I need to be
punished for it;


Other people are evil and abuse you;

If someone fails to keep a promise, that
person can no longer be trusted;


If I trust someone, I run a great risk of
getting hurt or disappointed;


If you comply with someone's request, you
run the risk of losing yourself;


If you refuse someone's request, you run
the risk of losing that person;


I will always be alone;

I can't manage by myself, I need someone I
can fall back on;


There is no one who really cares about me,
who will be available to help me, and whom I can fall back on;


I don't really know what I want;

I will never get what I want;

I'm powerless and vulnerable and I can't
protect myself;.


I have no control of myself;

I can't
discipline myself;


My feelings and opinions are unfounded;

Other people are not willing or helpful.


As such, the most obvious
"symptom" of Borderline Personality Disorder is a lifelong pattern
of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions.

Why is Borderline Personality Disorder
Difficult to Diagnose

Borderline Personality Disorder is a
relatively recent addition to the American Psychiatric Association
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
(DSM) and the World
Health Organization International Statistical Classification of Diseases and
Related Health Problems (ICD).
Accordingly, the majority of practicing
mental health professionals graduating prior to 2000 have not been trained on
the diagnosis and the treatment of this complex disorder as part of their
professional curriculum.


Additionally, the clinical definition of Borderline Personality Disorder is
very broad. It is defined in terms of nine criteria of which 5 or more are
indicative of the disorder. This translates to 256 clusters of criteria, or
constellations as they are known, any one of which is diagnostic for BPD.
Within these constellations, there are high functioning borderlines that
operate well in society and whose disorder is not very obvious to new
acquaintances or the casual observer. Also within these constellations are
the low functioning borderlines who are more apparent as they can't hold
jobs, or they self-harm (cutting). Suicidal attempts/ideation and
anorexia/bulimia are some of the most serious aspects of this disorder - yet,
many with the disorder do not exhibit either.

Proper diagnosis and treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder is spotty
at best with community healthcare providers, marriage counselors, and family
therapists who are often hesitant to diagnose or treat the disorder. As a
result, most borderlines are undiagnosed or in treatment for other maladies
such as depression or PTSD. If you suspect Borderline Personality Disorder,
it is best to use a specialist, preferably one associated with a University.






(http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm)




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How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

Post  FSoares on Thu 1 Jul - 1:36

Article: Adapted from Romeo's Bleeding by Roger Melton, M.A.
(http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm)

Regardless of how a person with Borderline Personality Disorder alters and tailor her appearance and actions to please others, she often presents with a clear and characteristic personality pattern over time. This pattern usually evolves through three stages: The Vulnerable Seducer, The Clinger, and The Hater. This evolution may take months, and sometimes even years to cycle through. In the later periods, the personality often swings wildly back and forth from one phase to the next.

Love: The Vulnerable Seducer Phase

At first, a Borderline female may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor.

In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she is a master at portraying herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotional invasion advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her."

It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you.

Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire.

Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder.

It will all seem so real because it is real in her mind. But what is in her mind it is not what you perceive to be happening.

Love: The Clinger Phase

Once she has successfully candied her hook with your adoration, she will weld it into place by “reeling in” your attention and concern. Her intense interest in you will subtly transform over time. She still appears to be interested in you, but no longer in what you are interested in. Her interest becomes your exclusive interest in her. This is when you start to notice “something”. Your thoughts, feelings and ideas fascinate her, but more so when they focus on her. You can tell when this happens because you can feel her "perk-up" emotionally whenever your attention focuses upon her feelings and issues. Those moments can emotionally hook your compassion more deeply into her, because that is when she will treat you well - tenderly.

It’s often here, you begin to confuse your empathy with love, and you believe you're in love with her. Especially if your instinct is strong and rescuing is at the heart of your "code." Following that code results in the most common excuse I hear as a therapist, as to why many men stay with borderline women, ".... But I love her!" Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown men.

But, if like King Priam, you do fall prey to this Trojan Horse and let her inside your city gates, the first Berserker to leave the horse will be the devious Clinger. A master at strengthening her control through empathy, she is brilliant at eliciting sympathy and identifying those most likely to provide it-like the steady-tempered and tenderhearted.

The world ails her. Physical complaints are common. Her back hurts. Her head aches. Peculiar pains of all sorts come and go like invisible, malignant companions. If you track their appearance, though, you may see a pattern of occurrence connected to the waning or waxing of your attentions. Her complaints are ways of saying, "don't leave me. Save me!" And Her maladies are not simply physical. Her feelings ail her too.

She is depressed or anxious, detached and indifferent or vulnerable and hypersensitive. She can swing from elated agitation to mournful gloom at the blink of an eye. Watching the erratic changes in her moods is like tracking the needle on a Richter-scale chart at the site of an active volcano, and you never know which flick of the needle will predict the big explosion.
But after every emotional Vesuvius she pleads for your mercy. And if she has imbedded her guilt-hooks deep enough into your conscientious nature, you will stay around and continue tracking this volcanic earthquake, caught in the illusion that you can discover how to stop Vesuvius before she blows again. But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.

It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and she is a drowning woman. But she drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull her out of the turbulent sea, feed her warm tea and biscuits, wrap her in a comfy blanket and tell her everything is okay, she suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And, no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, she still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder. No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through her predatory "event horizon." But before that happens, other signs will reveal her true colors.

Sex will be incredible. She will be instinctually tuned in to reading your needs. It will seem wonderful - for a while.

The intensity of her erotic passion can sweep you away, but her motive is double-edged. One side of it comes from the instinctually built-in, turbulent emotionality of her disorder. Intensity is her trump-card.

But the other side of her is driven by an equally instinctually and concentrated need to control you. The sexual experiences, while imposing, are motivated from a desire to dominate you, not please you. Her erotic intensity will be there in a cunning way tailored so you will not readily perceive it.

“I love you” means – “I need you to love me”. “That was the best ever for me” means – tell me “it was the best ever for you”. Show me that I have you.

Love: The Hater Phase

Once a Borderline Controller has succeeded and is in control, the Hater appears. This hateful part of her may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until she feels she has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes it's first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.

What gives this rage its characteristically borderline flavor is that it is very difficult for someone witnessing it to know what triggered it in reality. But that is its primary identifying clue: the actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To her, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - she will always justify her rage by blaming you for "having to hurt her."

Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected. They happen when you least expect it. And they can become extremely dangerous. It all serves to break you down over time. Your self esteem melts away. You change and alter your behavior in hopes of returning to the “Clinger Stage”. And periodically you will, but only to cycle back to the hater when you least expect it, possibly on her birthday, or your anniversary.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness.

(*Roger Melton is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer in Los Angeles, California. For over twenty years, he has been a leading authority on the psychological impact of violence, dealing with exploitive-type men or women and managing the dangers of high-stress careers and occupations. He has frequently appeared on television and radio, including appearances on 20/20 and PBS. As part of opening relations with the Soviet Union in 1989, he participated in mutual training programs at Moscow University.)


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Suicidality in Borderline Personality Disorder

Post  FSoares on Thu 1 Jul - 2:10

(http://bpd.about.com/od/understandingbpd/a/suicide_ar.htm)


Unfortunately, suicidal behaviors and completed
suicides are very common in individuals with BPD. Research has shown that
around 70 percent of people with BPD will have at least one suicide attempt in
their lifetime, and many will make multiple suicide attempts. People with BPD
are more likely to complete suicide than individuals with any other psychiatric
disorder. Between 8 and 10 percent of people with BPD will complete suicide;
this rate is more than 50 times the rate of suicide in the general population.


Why is Suicide so Common in BPD?




There are
several factors related to BPD that may explain why suicide is so common.



First, BPD is
associated with very intense negative emotional experiences. These experiences
are so painful that many people with BPD report that they would like to find a
way to escape. They may use a number of different strategies to try to reduce
the emotional pain (e.g.,
deliberate self-harm,
substance use), including suicide. Also, BPD is a chronic condition; it usually
lasts for years. Conditions that are more chronic may lead to more risk for
suicide since they do not tend to get better quickly without treatment. This
may leave people with BPD feeling that there is no other way out, despite the
fact that there are now effective treatments available for BPD.



BPD is also
associated with
impulsivity,
or a tendency to act quickly without thinking about consequences. This may be
another reason that suicide is common in BPD; individuals with BPD may engage
in suicidal behaviors in a moment of intense emotional pain without fully
considering the consequences.



Finally, BPD
often co-occurs with substance use. The use of drugs or alcohol is a risk
factor for suicide alone. However, substance use issues combined with BPD may
be a particularly lethal combination; substance use can lead to even greater
impulsivity. And, people who are using substances have access to a means for
overdose.
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder and Suicide

Post  AnnaEsse on Thu 1 Jul - 7:32

FSoares wrote:Article: Adapted from Romeo's Bleeding by Roger Melton, M.A.

Regardless of how a person with Borderline Personality Disorder alters and tailor her appearance and actions to please others, she often presents with a clear and characteristic personality pattern over time. This pattern usually evolves through three stages: The Vulnerable Seducer, The Clinger, and The Hater. This evolution may take months, and sometimes even years to cycle through. In the later periods, the personality often swings wildly back and forth from one phase to the next.

Love: The Vulnerable Seducer Phase

At first, a Borderline female may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor.

In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she is a master at portraying herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotional invasion advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her."

It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you.

Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire.

Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder.

It will all seem so real because it is real in her mind. But what is in her mind it is not what you perceive to be happening.

Love: The Clinger Phase

Once she has successfully candied her hook with your adoration, she will weld it into place by “reeling in” your attention and concern. Her intense interest in you will subtly transform over time. She still appears to be interested in you, but no longer in what you are interested in. Her interest becomes your exclusive interest in her. This is when you start to notice “something”. Your thoughts, feelings and ideas fascinate her, but more so when they focus on her. You can tell when this happens because you can feel her "perk-up" emotionally whenever your attention focuses upon her feelings and issues. Those moments can emotionally hook your compassion more deeply into her, because that is when she will treat you well - tenderly.

It’s often here, you begin to confuse your empathy with love, and you believe you're in love with her. Especially if your instinct is strong and rescuing is at the heart of your "code." Following that code results in the most common excuse I hear as a therapist, as to why many men stay with borderline women, ".... But I love her!" Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown men.

But, if like King Priam, you do fall prey to this Trojan Horse and let her inside your city gates, the first Berserker to leave the horse will be the devious Clinger. A master at strengthening her control through empathy, she is brilliant at eliciting sympathy and identifying those most likely to provide it-like the steady-tempered and tenderhearted.

The world ails her. Physical complaints are common. Her back hurts. Her head aches. Peculiar pains of all sorts come and go like invisible, malignant companions. If you track their appearance, though, you may see a pattern of occurrence connected to the waning or waxing of your attentions. Her complaints are ways of saying, "don't leave me. Save me!" And Her maladies are not simply physical. Her feelings ail her too.

She is depressed or anxious, detached and indifferent or vulnerable and hypersensitive. She can swing from elated agitation to mournful gloom at the blink of an eye. Watching the erratic changes in her moods is like tracking the needle on a Richter-scale chart at the site of an active volcano, and you never know which flick of the needle will predict the big explosion.
But after every emotional Vesuvius she pleads for your mercy. And if she has imbedded her guilt-hooks deep enough into your conscientious nature, you will stay around and continue tracking this volcanic earthquake, caught in the illusion that you can discover how to stop Vesuvius before she blows again. But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.

It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and she is a drowning woman. But she drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull her out of the turbulent sea, feed her warm tea and biscuits, wrap her in a comfy blanket and tell her everything is okay, she suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And, no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, she still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder. No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through her predatory "event horizon." But before that happens, other signs will reveal her true colors.

Sex will be incredible. She will be instinctually tuned in to reading your needs. It will seem wonderful - for a while.

The intensity of her erotic passion can sweep you away, but her motive is double-edged. One side of it comes from the instinctually built-in, turbulent emotionality of her disorder. Intensity is her trump-card.

But the other side of her is driven by an equally instinctually and concentrated need to control you. The sexual experiences, while imposing, are motivated from a desire to dominate you, not please you. Her erotic intensity will be there in a cunning way tailored so you will not readily perceive it.

“I love you” means – “I need you to love me”. “That was the best ever for me” means – tell me “it was the best ever for you”. Show me that I have you.

Love: The Hater Phase

Once a Borderline Controller has succeeded and is in control, the Hater appears. This hateful part of her may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until she feels she has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes it's first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.

What gives this rage its characteristically borderline flavor is that it is very difficult for someone witnessing it to know what triggered it in reality. But that is its primary identifying clue: the actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To her, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - she will always justify her rage by blaming you for "having to hurt her."

Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected. They happen when you least expect it. And they can become extremely dangerous. It all serves to break you down over time. Your self esteem melts away. You change and alter your behavior in hopes of returning to the “Clinger Stage”. And periodically you will, but only to cycle back to the hater when you least expect it, possibly on her birthday, or your anniversary.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness.

(*Roger Melton is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer in Los Angeles, California. For over twenty years, he has been a leading authority on the psychological impact of violence, dealing with exploitive-type men or women and managing the dangers of high-stress careers and occupations. He has frequently appeared on television and radio, including appearances on 20/20 and PBS. As part of opening relations with the Soviet Union in 1989, he participated in mutual training programs at Moscow University.)

Interesting, but does this author only write about women with BPD?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________
"You can run on for a long time, Run on for a long time, Run on for a long time, Sooner or later God'll cut you down." (Johnny Cash)
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder and Suicide

Post  FSoares on Thu 1 Jul - 9:52

AnnaEsse wrote:
FSoares wrote:Article: Adapted from Romeo's Bleeding by Roger Melton, M.A.

Regardless of how a person with Borderline Personality Disorder alters and tailor her appearance and actions to please others, she often presents with a clear and characteristic personality pattern over time. This pattern usually evolves through three stages: The Vulnerable Seducer, The Clinger, and The Hater. This evolution may take months, and sometimes even years to cycle through. In the later periods, the personality often swings wildly back and forth from one phase to the next.

Love: The Vulnerable Seducer Phase

At first, a Borderline female may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor.

In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she is a master at portraying herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotional invasion advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her."

It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you.

Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire.

Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder.

It will all seem so real because it is real in her mind. But what is in her mind it is not what you perceive to be happening.

Love: The Clinger Phase

Once she has successfully candied her hook with your adoration, she will weld it into place by “reeling in” your attention and concern. Her intense interest in you will subtly transform over time. She still appears to be interested in you, but no longer in what you are interested in. Her interest becomes your exclusive interest in her. This is when you start to notice “something”. Your thoughts, feelings and ideas fascinate her, but more so when they focus on her. You can tell when this happens because you can feel her "perk-up" emotionally whenever your attention focuses upon her feelings and issues. Those moments can emotionally hook your compassion more deeply into her, because that is when she will treat you well - tenderly.

It’s often here, you begin to confuse your empathy with love, and you believe you're in love with her. Especially if your instinct is strong and rescuing is at the heart of your "code." Following that code results in the most common excuse I hear as a therapist, as to why many men stay with borderline women, ".... But I love her!" Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown men.

But, if like King Priam, you do fall prey to this Trojan Horse and let her inside your city gates, the first Berserker to leave the horse will be the devious Clinger. A master at strengthening her control through empathy, she is brilliant at eliciting sympathy and identifying those most likely to provide it-like the steady-tempered and tenderhearted.

The world ails her. Physical complaints are common. Her back hurts. Her head aches. Peculiar pains of all sorts come and go like invisible, malignant companions. If you track their appearance, though, you may see a pattern of occurrence connected to the waning or waxing of your attentions. Her complaints are ways of saying, "don't leave me. Save me!" And Her maladies are not simply physical. Her feelings ail her too.

She is depressed or anxious, detached and indifferent or vulnerable and hypersensitive. She can swing from elated agitation to mournful gloom at the blink of an eye. Watching the erratic changes in her moods is like tracking the needle on a Richter-scale chart at the site of an active volcano, and you never know which flick of the needle will predict the big explosion.
But after every emotional Vesuvius she pleads for your mercy. And if she has imbedded her guilt-hooks deep enough into your conscientious nature, you will stay around and continue tracking this volcanic earthquake, caught in the illusion that you can discover how to stop Vesuvius before she blows again. But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.

It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and she is a drowning woman. But she drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull her out of the turbulent sea, feed her warm tea and biscuits, wrap her in a comfy blanket and tell her everything is okay, she suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And, no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, she still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder. No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through her predatory "event horizon." But before that happens, other signs will reveal her true colors.

Sex will be incredible. She will be instinctually tuned in to reading your needs. It will seem wonderful - for a while.

The intensity of her erotic passion can sweep you away, but her motive is double-edged. One side of it comes from the instinctually built-in, turbulent emotionality of her disorder. Intensity is her trump-card.

But the other side of her is driven by an equally instinctually and concentrated need to control you. The sexual experiences, while imposing, are motivated from a desire to dominate you, not please you. Her erotic intensity will be there in a cunning way tailored so you will not readily perceive it.

“I love you” means – “I need you to love me”. “That was the best ever for me” means – tell me “it was the best ever for you”. Show me that I have you.

Love: The Hater Phase

Once a Borderline Controller has succeeded and is in control, the Hater appears. This hateful part of her may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until she feels she has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes it's first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.

What gives this rage its characteristically borderline flavor is that it is very difficult for someone witnessing it to know what triggered it in reality. But that is its primary identifying clue: the actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To her, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - she will always justify her rage by blaming you for "having to hurt her."

Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected. They happen when you least expect it. And they can become extremely dangerous. It all serves to break you down over time. Your self esteem melts away. You change and alter your behavior in hopes of returning to the “Clinger Stage”. And periodically you will, but only to cycle back to the hater when you least expect it, possibly on her birthday, or your anniversary.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness.

(*Roger Melton is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer in Los Angeles, California. For over twenty years, he has been a leading authority on the psychological impact of violence, dealing with exploitive-type men or women and managing the dangers of high-stress careers and occupations. He has frequently appeared on television and radio, including appearances on 20/20 and PBS. As part of opening relations with the Soviet Union in 1989, he participated in mutual training programs at Moscow University.)

Interesting, but does this author only write about women with BPD?

No, he speaks about BPD for both genders, but in this particular case, it's when the suferer is a female.

ETA: it seems the majority of BPD sufferers are women, so that's why generally everything is written in the female gender.
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder and Suicide

Post  FSoares on Thu 1 Jul - 14:56

Translation from the site:
http://www.mentalhelp.com/Borderline.htm

Borderline personality disorder is one that has serious consequences for the person, their family and their close friends. The word "border" does not refer to the boundary between a normal state and a psychotic. IT refers to a constant instability of humor.

It is not very frequent. In the USA it is considered 2% of the population (but beware, often the statistics there are exaggerated). More frequent in women than in men (so the page is written for women).

1) symptoms (of course not all Borderline have all these symptoms):

* Fear of abandonment: a continuing need, agonizing of never feel alone, rejected and unsupported.
* Difficulty in managing emotions
* Impulsivity.
* Mood instability. The mood swings of the DAB and TAB - disorder or bipolar affective disorder last for weeks or months, but Borderlines have oscillations of minutes, hours, days. Those oscillations include mood swings, depression, anxiety attacks, irritability, pathological jealousy, hetero-and self-harm. A patient marks the consultation stating that it is super depressed, wanting to die. The next day she arrives at the consultation well humored, well dressed, with makeup and vanity.
* Self-destructive behavior (getting hurt, cut, burn, suicide attempts). The Borderline carriers say they hurt themselves to satisfy an overwhelming need to feel pain. Or because the pain in the body "is better than the pain of the soul."

* Suicide attempts, most often follow the impulse and are not planned.
* Changes in career plans, circles of friends. Difficulties at work.
* Issues of self-esteem. Borderlines feel undervalued, misunderstood, empty. They lack a very objective view of themselves.
* Very impulsive: idealize newly known people, they fall in love quickly but they can get dispassionate in a fulminat way.
* Develop wonder and disenchantment with someone very quickly.
* High sensitivity to any sense of rejection. Small rejections cause great emotional storms. A short business trip from her boyfriend or husband may trigger an emotional storm completely disproportionate (accusations of rejection, abandonment, not to worry about her needs, selfishness, etc.)..
* The mixture of idealization by someone and extreme sensitivity to small rejections that are part of any relationship is a recipe for troubled and unstable relationships, breakups and for immediate establishment of new relationships with the same idealizations.
* More rarely, psychotic episodes (feeling observed, prosecuted, enjoyed, commented).

2) Increased risk for:

* Compulsive Shopping.
* Risky sex.
* Compulsive Eating, Bulimia, Anorexia.
* Depression.
* Anxiety Disorders.
* Substance abuse.
* Bipolar affective disorder.
* Other personality disorders.
* Violence (not just sexual) abuse and neglect because of impulsiveness and lack of criticism for choosing new partners.

3) The probable cause is a combination of several factors:

* Traumatic experiences (real or imagined) in childhood, for example psychological abuse, sexual, neglect, physical or psychological terror, separation from parents, orphanhood.
* Individual vulnerability.
* Environmental stress that triggers the onset of the Borderline behavior.

Beware of hasty conclusions like "you have been abused" or "you were terrified."

4) Development:

* Usually it begins to manifest in late adolescence and early adulthood.
* Over the years there is a decreased number of hospitalizations and suicide attempts.
* It looks like a bad joke, but it is a statistical reality: every suicide attempt that a Borderline survives, decreases the chance of a new attempt. (but there's too many cases where they keep trying suicide).

5) Factors of good prognosis:

* Good family relationships, social, emotional, professional.
* Participation in community activities: churches, clubs, associations, cultural, artistic, etc..
* Low or absent frequency of self-harm.
* Low or absent frequency of suicide attempts.
* Being married.
* Having children.
* Not being promiscuous.

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